I've put a tab to that lingering feeling of failure.
The reply from NTU disappointed me. I've not only failed the interview, i wasn't good enough to be considered for choice 2.
So i wonder, should i place now or try once more next year.Youth is not with me.
Now i remember why i don't talk that much to my mother. A casual quote or remark brings on a naggy speech.
I'm not that close to her after all. All the better, for i don't wish to blink an eye when they happen to be wiped out.
Dependence & attachment has never been good.
As i've once said, emotions born from genes & emotions born of the heart carry very different weights.
That reaction surprised me. But it wasn't too far from my limits.
To ask if i had anything to say to her. To request me to ask her why when i said no; only to reply that it doesn't matter since i didn't wanted to know.
The latter, is a section of girl mentality i do not understand. I do not wish to anyway. It'll be like explaining chinese characters using english lettering.
But overall, what i believed i observed seemed to be wanting a clear conscious, a clean record on her part.
The clear thoughts i have of her behaviour, lost, thanks to days of delay.
I can't really say she's selfish, i'm selfish, but i don't act the way she does. Somehow, hypocrisy relates itself to her actions. Not directly, but in some relative of relative, distantly related way.
What i can say is, that's quite ugly.
A cheerful wassup showed. Replies of none that's down & alright later, it was replied that she was working & didn't have the mood.
It some how annoys me.
She is the epitome of self contradiction. The pinnacle of opposing circles.
It is chosen to beat around the bush, what's worse is you remain in the center of the figure "8" when the beating is done.I can't make it, i'm busy. But i think i'll go.
Such behaviour prompts for a bullet to the skull. Indecisiveness is fine with me. Not opposing decisions.
The cube was shown. A solution unveiled. Not like i can memorize the steps. It's more of a hint than a solution to me.
I wasn't expecting A to give her unwelcomed 2 cents worth on that. She likes throwing those coins around making them sound like 2 dollars. But not on that issue. I didn't expect it.
I guess she likes to make everything she's done larger than life.
Funny it was, when she said " i don't like people to be blur". Or something of the like.
Such words from whom most of us know as the obfuscating girl in our batch. As it is known, she is un-trustable.
Naturally, her explanation before that confused me.
Her intrusion yesterday did cause some disturbance.
It was somewhat an irritant, really.
Hours from the initial confusion, hours ago, analytical would be the choice. To put one's heart into a bridge that has low priority maintenance or even a dispensable bridge would be suicidal.
My side appears to be in better condition than hers.
Does having me cross over & some interaction between us ease her conscious? Put her at ease with the 'fact' that she's not pushing a friend aside?
I might be a friend to her, but for me to call someone a friend, i'd need to be willing to take some injuries for that person.
In any case, now that it's been decided to be an experiment, no hard feelings. At least on my side.
I will need to restraint myself from having any attachments to the subject. It previously got me into a couple of problems.
How does one maintain a face of cheerful interactiveness to the subject when one has no tests & experiments to carry out.
Come up with a question - Input the process - Observe the changes - Note the output
That's the way, is it not.